https://www.upsidedownmama.com/upsidedownmamablog daily 0.75 2025-11-10 https://www.upsidedownmama.com/upsidedownmamablog/2025/11/10/4-decades-of-life monthly 0.5 2025-11-10 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/575a186ba3360c1f3e45c88b/e24a0d3d-a30a-43c9-bc7a-bd0470c042cb/48A8AD87-4D17-4A29-A80F-FCC79303D625.JPG Blog - 4 Decades of Life - Make it stand out Decade One: 0-10 Years Old I sat on her hip holding a boy doll nearly my own size. “What should we name him?” she asked me. I shrugged unknowingly. I wonder why we named him Steven. When mom died, Steven remained. I tried so hard to make him come to life. Spinning him in circles by the arm with a ritual I believed so hard in that when it didn’t work, I’d crumple in a pile of frustrated tears. I tried so many times that now all that remains of Steven is his arm. I think I believed that if I could make a doll come to life, then maybe I could make her come back to life too. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/575a186ba3360c1f3e45c88b/a438a186-a8df-4f52-a0e1-f246cdb9aea7/F5F32459-755C-4965-AD3C-49E24B9A2555.JPG Blog - 4 Decades of Life - Make it stand out Decade Three: 20-30 Years Old I would learn that trusting people would mean they would see the broken sides of me. My identity was strength - so I didn’t trust many people. I would realize that heart break felt like death because I couldn’t regulate the difference. I would seek help and in doing so I would learn that change is possible. I would wrap myself in the warm, cozy, embrace of Maui and feel like I found my own home with my own two hands. Yoga would be a pathway to freedom. Maui would help me heal, redefine myself, and begin again and again and again. The trade winds slowly blew away the weight I kept lugging around. As I completed the cycle of putting some things to rest, I began a new cycle of creation, beginnings, and family. I became the mother. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/575a186ba3360c1f3e45c88b/232c27f4-b2f4-4e3e-889e-353fecb04959/F9F8A14E-CF95-46DB-89AD-DC9EF292979F.JPG Blog - 4 Decades of Life - Make it stand out Decade Two: 10-20 Years Old I stood in the front yard, imprinting my feet into a space I’d never forget as I waved without smiling to my sisters as they both got into their car and drove away. The guilt on their faces matched the hollowness of my heart. They left. I stayed. Another three years. Alone. I found something I wrote from this time period. It wasn’t that I had forgotten but, I couldn’t finish reading what I’d written because I intentionally didn’t want to remember. I do choose to remember when I was 17 years old and looked down at my own two hands. They were palm up and I noticed the patterns and prints. I remember thinking: These are your hands. This is your life. Take your life into your own two hands. It wasn’t easy, but that is what I did. 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