Dial Tone

It wasn’t one thing. It was the final straw. Perhaps I was waiting on pins and needles for that final straw as well. Maybe because I had felt like a needle in a haystack for quite some time. I’m in the business of balance. When you spend time, energy, education and resources to share information and the response is hundreds of saves but only two comments with one about the lighting…that’s a lot of take and very little give. There is no reciprocity. That is imbalance. And I’m in the business of correcting imbalances.

It doesn’t feel like it matters enough anymore.  It takes so much more than it gives now. The community is mostly silent. The connections are dial tones. The feed is like the fuzz on a TV after the show has long ended (90’s child).

I really do not want to keep up with the latest hook. I have always been passion driven. Passion fuels my posts. Passion was enough to form and grow a community. My love of the human body, learning and teaching. My love of motherhood and the outdoors. And even sometimes the hard times…those felt like walking a tightrope above a canyon. Carefully placed steps, sometimes I lost my balance and started dramatically wavering side to side. I always came back with beads of sweat and steady breath to keep walking that thin line until I got to the other side.

And though it was personal and I put myself out there it was okay because I thought ultimately it was good. Sometimes I tried to stand up for things. Things I thought were right, like a truly eco and ethical company from the fibers. Sometimes it was to stand up for mistreatment of others. I gave a few people a nudge when I had the power to do so, just because. I always tried to use my reach to support my friends whenever I thought it would help. I grew a thick skin at times to the online bullies…but the truth is I prefer the ones that troll to your face versus “friends” that chatter behind your back.

But now I feel like friends are the least likely to speak up and reach out. Some family chooses to avoid me on social media as a statement.

A lot of the community wants pure crafted entertainment, not connection and growth.  I won’t let such a big window to the world leave me behind my small one feeling so empty. There is no point if there is no reciprocity.

It’s all about balance. It always was. If the water is only ever running out and never being filled back up, the well runs dry.

It’s time to close the curtains for a while. Put my passion in the drivers seat of a different vehicle. I don’t know what that will look like yet. It starts here. My website, this will be my corner of the web for now. The crickets are chirping here as well, but at least it is my home…page.

Forever seeking homeostasis,

Holly aka @upsidedownmama