How It’s Going
They say don’t bite the hand that feeds you. But I say my feed is what truly bit. It has been one month since I quietly cleared my figurative desk, grabbed my backpack and casually exited the gram.
The Good: All of that time I spent 1) absorbing news 2) creating content 3) trying to connect 4) sharing intimate moments of my life 5) straight up marketing for my online yoga school and workshop - all of that time I channeled into my website. One of the things I loved about the gram was creating. So, I didn’t stop. I just put it somewhere really productive. I created “The Portal,” a member’s only $5 site within my website. It already has over 200 videos within it. I created a video podcast “I Spent My 30’s on Instagram,” to document what it was like and some of the shit that went down behind upside down footage. And I picked up an in person managing position in town!
The Unexpected: I stopped whipping my phone out to document most things. I started seeing a different reflection in the mirror. I more worthy one. I heard from one of those connections I had made from the early gram days and I’d lost touch with because she chose to leave the gram in 2020. We’ve reconnected like pen pals and she is the first person to join The Portal! She joined for the entire year, so I’m even more inspired to make amazing content for this yoga medicine teacher.
The Sweaty: It is a little stressful that I have had zero new online yoga teacher training students, BUT I am still teaching quite a few at the moment so I will exercise patience. The Portal hasn’t really been explored yet, but again, patience grasshopper…you’re in the big open field now. These things are stressful like suddenly getting laid off, however, it’s in a new and exciting way because you know this pivotal moment will be the best thing for you and your future.
The New: Managing for a business in town is brand new! Something I would never have felt I could fit into my life until I shifted the dynamic. It’s that in person interaction and a set of responsibilities that I feel I can excel at. Grad school is around the corner and I attend orientation this evening. I guess when I cleared my desk and grabbed my backpack and walked out the door of Instagram I immediately entered a new more hopeful room of learning and career potential.
The Ugly: This part is why it was all fake anyways. The people I thought were connections, friends, or students (beyond the free stuff)…well, it’s been all crickets for this grasshopper. That’s part of why I made my video podcast part of The Portal. By episode five I’m sharing pretty personal and intense things I navigated through while having my life open to the public on the gram. I’m not putting myself back in a fishbowl while everyone else stares from outside. You have to dive in here with me!
The Future: Is a gift. It is not granted. A lot of the times we stay in our lane to avoid the scary instability and unknown conclusion of change. But that is scarier than anything else if you ask me! I’m scared of a boring, predictable life where the one thing you can count on is aging exponentially. I do not simply want to through the paces of life. I want to FEEL ALIVE…whether that is feel peace, feeling joy, feeling scared of the unknown. I want to feel this life and not drown it out.
Let’s do this thing…
Off to work, then to other work, and a quick workout, then to school orientation and of course my favorite part when the kids are out of school, motherhood.
